Ugly Vaginas

Posted by on April 22, 2007

When I first started writing this piece, my blog software asked me what type of category this topic falls under. I was hesitant to say, “anatomy” because many doctors and medical professionals probably would be misled, but fuck them. Anyways, a couple months ago I had a discussion with a female friend about ugly vagina’s.

Mr. Nick does not like ugly vagina’s.

Granted, I’ve only seen one -less than pretty- vagina in person. I’ve been blessed with girls who had great genetics because they all had nice, well-groomed snatches. And I’m a very picky guy when it comes to the opposite sex. If I see a vagina that looks like someone blasted a shotgun out of a girl’s pelvis, I’m immediately turned off. Vagina’s aren’t meant to look like hillside rock crevices with dense shrubbery.

Well, maybe they are. But that’s neither here nor there.

Here’s a good example of V.L.D (vaginal let down):

Imagine you are seconds away from banging Jessica Simpson. You have her bra off, her tig-ol-bitties are flopping in your face, and she’s purring, “Fuck me, HARD“. So you slowly pull down her Victoria’s Secret thong only to reveal a musky, Arby’s sandwich between her legs, buns and all.

How much of a let down would that be???

I’m sure everyone would still fuck her, because hey, it’s Jessica Simpson and she’s so-fuckable and a celebrity. But would you really be excited to go downtown on that… thing? Most of you horndogs would, but I would be like, “fuck this SUCKS. But maybe I can steal money out of her purse afterwards. *Hey look, a John Mayer CD too. I can pawn that for like… some belly lint and a few dirt-stained pesos!*

If it was a regular girl sporting the roast beef vagina, NO WAY. But Jessica gets to pass go and collect her $200.

I know that certain girls are born with deformed vaginas, and I accept that. My female friend recommended labiaplasty (it’s probably spelled wrong because I’m too lazy to look it up), I suggested a convent. Whatever.

And before I get a bunch of PM’s from girls with ugly vagina’s complaining that a lot of guys have ugly dicks, kick rocks. I have a nice looking dick that is very well “maintained”, and that’s all that matters. If other guy’s dicks look like Polish sausages then you shouldn’t be fucking them, you should bang me instead. Then afterwards, admire my well-endowed genitalia by gently petting it and whispering in my ear, “how it’s like a mini version of Nick Sterling”. Yeah baby, stroke my ego.

Some people say I’m delusional, I just say I’m right all the time.

Down with the ugly vag!

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